it happens sometimes... friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant...

i have posted previously about friendships... this week alyssa and i were talking about friends of choice vs. friends of convenience... i think there are also friends for a season vs. friends for all seasons... (and in my head is resonating - "i'll be your girl for all seasons... all the year through...") which may be factored into the convenience/choice discussion...

amy sent out a mass email to the camp staff that we worked on - as kind of an update on her life... which caused a lot of other people from our staff to reply with what is going on in their lives... it's cool, but kind of weird... i really haven't talked to some of them since that summer... over 2 and a half years ago (in august, 3)... i keep up with amy - who could have easily been a friend of convenience for that summer, but God wanted us to be friends of choice... for all seasons (which i'm eternally grateful for!!!)

at the same time, i randomly have been emailing with a girl i went to seminary with my first year - who got married and moved away last year... i hadn't talked to her in several months and out of the blue, she ran into jeff in california - which spurred on communication between the two of us...

and then... i've recently been in communication with one of the girls i spent time with in east asia... and she saw a guy on campus who we both knew in east asia - and he had been talking to people too...

one time in college, i drew this picture... what i thought my life would look like... it was this one line that stretched from one corner of the page all the way to the other corner... and there were all different colors of lines, intersecting each other and all impacting my line in some way, even if it didn't directly intersect my line... it had an impact on another line that intersected mine... you get the idea...

but there was this one green line - it was my favorite... and it was a line that was really close to my line for a while, then it separated, but twisted back around and intersected my line at a different point... that line made me happy... it was that line that i knew would bring a happy surprise later on... friendships that seemingly disappear, only to re-enter later on... and i'm not saying that from that point on (the second intersection), that i'll be friends with them forever... but then, at that point, it brings encouragement from someone who knew me a long time ago, in a different place... and i'm reminded... i came from somewhere... God has brought me farther than i was in that place... so i'm reminded of where i once was, but encouraged by where i am now...

and that's what i've been feeling this week... out of nowhere, a whole lot of people in my life who i haven't heard from in months and years, out of the blue, are there... and it's kind of weird... but nice...

i made up a new expression about a new friend i made recently... "happy surprised..." - i'm happy surprised by all the new-old people in my life... all kinds of people from my past who have recircled and intersected my life once again...

and in my mind, it's likely, that once all this "hey, how's it going? what are you up to these days?" stuff passes, it will go back to normal... i don't expect to stay in close contact with them forever or even for the next several months... but i'm happy surprised that they're still there and we can encourage each other again, if only as a busboy in a restaurant type of way...

so you're telling me there's a chance...

i am totally excited because i was dreading my class and then i found out we don't have it... but i'm already cleared from work, so i'm not going to go back to work, because i already have the time off... is this unethical? do i care? i hate mondays!!!

so i emailed the guy - you know... from the last post... think... IDIOT!!!

i emailed him last week and asked if he wanted to go get coffee when he was down for school this week... so finally... today - i get an email from him... "maybe," he says, and goes on to say about how he needs to study... but "we'll see."

so i'm thinking... "is this a write-off?" - i'm not sure... still not sure... but in my head, here's what i thought...

Lloyd Christmas: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary Swanson: Not good.
Lloyd Christmas: Not good like one in a hundred?
Mary Swanson: I'd say more like one in a million.
Lloyd Christmas: So you're telling me there's a chance?

that's what i thought... we'll see what happens... i just need to get it out there before my feelings/emotions really get involved... which i'm thinking is going to happen soon... i just don't want to get hurt... but the fear of not putting it out there and wondering "what if?" for a really long time is worse than the getting hurt part, i think...

we'll see...

i heart friday afternoons...

i just do... aren't they the greatest?

idiot... gosh!!!

there's this guy i'm interested in... he goes to school with me and was in town for class and he came to my apartment the other night... there were other people there, but as soon as they had the opportunity, they abandoned me (because they know i'm interested in the guy)...

what i should have done when they left: "hey, do you want to watch a movie?"

what i did: just sat there while we watched tv for a little while and then he left...

and then, after he left, and i called everyone who would care that he had been over and a few who wouldn't care but would listen to me anyway... all of them said, "you should have asked him to watch a movie..." after the 3rd person said it, i thought...

IDIOT!!

in my best napoleon dynamite voice...

next time i'll know... if there is a next time...

Here's the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for YOU... SPECIAL.

i wish someone had made me a special monday morning mixed tape... it's definitely been a monday... i'm exhausted...

plus i'm confused...

what is my passion in life?
my dream? and why does everyone need to know? did they ask that question 50 years ago? will that help me figure out something big in my life? am i missing out on something because i don't know?

what do i want to be doing in 3-5 years?
breathing would be preferrable... living above the poverty level would be nice... (not that i don't now... i'd just like to continue the trend...)

plus i'm kind of lonely...

i do, however, have a date with a certain red haired friend tonight (who is one of the coolest girls i know) to watch the bachelor - we hate it, but it's fun to watch together and laugh at... my favorite quote of erin's is, "awww... her daddy didn't love her enough..." about the ho-bag girls who throw themselves at a pretty unattractive guy...

what are you gonna do?

i don't know... what are you gonna do?

i'm calling it a day...

just another manic friday...

i went to bed at a normal hour last night (11:00 - the earliest all week), and i've been waking up earlier... and today was no different... but i am thinking it doesn't do me any good to get up early... it takes me longer to wake up and i think i move slower, so i end up getting ready about the same time... BUT, i think i have more time, and it usually makes me late... sad...

i couldn't decide what to wear this morning... but i think i chose a cute outfit... usually fridays are casual friday (i can wear jeans), but i didn't want to brave the jeans today... there is a conference tonight and usually when there are people in the building, we're supposed to dress up like normal... but it's a collegiate ministry conference... do they care if i'm wearing jeans? not at all... but, i don't want to risk it...

so here's what i wear... grey slacks, dress shoes, my red "freestyle" t-shirt (that's what the front says) and my jean jacket... casual, but still dressy... good times... and i fixed my hair different today... if i fix it, i usually just straighten it... today i thought, i'll do something different - so it's more flipped out on the ends... but it took me longer to do... so that made me leave later than i should have...

then...

i get to the top of the hill, where i need to turn left (there's a stop light) after which, i need to turn right immediately to get on the interstate... i was trying to decide if i wanted to go get breakfast - but i thought, "i'm already late..." - so i opted not to do that... and the light was taking forever... i was behind a whole bunch of cars... and usually i don't have to wait that long... so i wait through 3 cycles... and i'm finally the second car in line... and i see what the problem is... the light isn't switching to green when it's supposed to switch... most of the cars were just going... not the car in front of me... we wait for another 2 cycles... and i thought, "should i honk?" - we could TOTALLY go... but i hate honking... so after the second cycle, a car behind me honked(thank you driver!!!) - and we went... but i was more than 10 minutes late to work - almost 15... but when i pulled up, no one in my office was here... no one knows that i was late... which is a good thing... but kind of frustrating - the one time i have a great excuse for being late, i don't even get to use it!!!

i thought i was going to have a slow day... not so much... i think i'll have plenty to keep me busy - and keep me here through the end of the day... i was hoping to leave early...

i have to be here all weekend to cover a conference for the paper... so much for a laid back weekend... fridays aren't supposed to be like this, are they??

almost famous...

after much encouragement from amy to see almost famous, i finally made the time for it last night... after the opening credits i was hooked, and after 30 minutes, i knew i was going to love it...

i love the coming-of-ageness that william goes through - and this sense of cool vs. uncool... in this real vs. non-real world... i really can't express it in words right this second... even though the coffee is kicking in, i just don't think i'll do it justice...

i know i'll never be the cool kid... i'm okay with that... in our weekly ritual of freaks and geeks episodes on tuesday night, we (dave, alyssa and i) tried to decide whether we were the "freaks" or the "geeks" - as we all had our laptops in our laps while we watched, we knew our fate... as much as we wanted to be the "freaks..." i always dreamed of being cool... and i think that's why i never was... if i would have owned up to my uncoolness, i probably would have been a lot cooler... i thought william was cool... not because he was famous but because he was real... and unafraid...

i love the quote that now resides on my sidebar... "the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool"

cameron crowe is brilliant... but he's probably never been cool... how cool is that?